We're Baaaaa-aaaaacckkkk!

Hi kids!

Sorry for the abrupt end to the Totally Scientific Power Rankings last season, but life kinda got in the way. However it looks like I'll have time to do this crazy thing again this year, so without further ado, it's time for the Pre-Season edition of the Totally Scientific Power Rankings.

Remember, there are no reasons, just the facts:

1. Green Bay Packers
2. New England Patriots
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. Baltimore Ravens
5. New Orleans Saints
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
7. Houston Texans
8. New York Giants
9. Atlanta Falcons
10. Detroit Lions
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. Chicago Bears
13. Denver Broncos
14. Dallas Cowboys
15. Cincinnati Bengals
16. San Diego Chargers
17. Tennessee Titans
18. Carolina Panthers
19. Seattle Seahawks
20. Buffalo Bills
21. New York Jets
22. Kansas City Chiefs
23. Arizona Cardinals
24. Oakland Raiders
25. Washington Redskins
26. Jacksonville Jaguars
27. Miami Dolphins
28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. Minnesota Vikings
31. Cleveland Browns
32. St Louis Rams

So, as we get ready for the big kick-off in a few hours, feel free to peruse these, and debate amongst yourselves.

The NFL is back. About time too...

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 8

Better late than never, folks! I have a new job, and while I was able to get the numbers crunched this morning before work, I wasn't able to get the post done. So without further ado, or any preamble whatsoever, here are this week's Totally Scientific Power Rankings, where the Bills are legit and the Colts really, really suck.


1. Green Bay Packers - 125.994 (Record: 7-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions - 122.072 (6-2) (4)
3. San Francisco 49ers - 121.951 (6-1) (3)
4. Houston Texans - 118.888 (5-3) (5)
5. New England Patriots - 117.916 (5-2) (2)
6. Buffalo Bills - 114.965 (5-2) (9)
7. Baltimore Ravens - 114.425 (5-2) (7)
8. Pittsburgh Steelers - 112.009 (6-2) (11)
9. New Orleans Saints - 108.402 (5-3) (6)
10. Chicago Bears - 107.897 (4-3) (10)
11. New York Giants - 107.674 (5-2) (16)
12. Cincinnati Bengals - 107.026 (5-2) (12)
13. Atlanta Falcons - 106.312 (4-3) (14)
14. New York Jets - 106.279 (4-3) (13)
15. Oakland Raiders - 103.502 (4-3) (17)
16. Dallas Cowboys - 103.031 (3-4) (8)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 100.819 (4-3) (18)
18. Philadelphia Eagles - 100.808 (3-4) (22)
19. San Diego Chargers - 100.801 (4-3) (15)
20. Tennessee Titans - 100.295 (4-3) (20)
21. Kansas City Chiefs - 96.294 (4-3) (23)
22. Cleveland Browns - 96.113 (3-4) (19)
23. Carolina Panthers - 89.096 (2-6) (21)
24. Washington Redskins - 88.064 (3-4) (24)
25. Minnesota Vikings - 87.637 (2-6) (27)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars - 86.990 (2-6) (25)
27. Denver Broncos - 84.100 (2-5) (26)
28. St Louis Rams - 83.116 (1-7) (29)
29. Seattle Seahawks - 82.673 (2-5) (28)
30. Arizona Cardinals - 73.270 (1-6) (30)
31. Miami Dolphins - 70.306 (0-7) (31)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 64.822 (0-8) (32)

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 7

Well, another glorious week of football is in the books, and what have we learned?

Firstly, the Vikings might not be as poor as advertised, especially if Christian Ponder is under center. Secondly, forget sucking for Luck, the Colts just suck, plain and simple. They have no offense, no defense and I don't think Manning 5 years ago would stop this team from having a losing record, never mind Manning if he returns from his injury. The Lions may well be the first 0-16 team in history, but the Colts are making a pretty good case for being the worst team to ever set foot on an NFL field. I'm amazed Bill Polian has allowed this to happen.

With all that out of the way, it's time for the Totally Scientific Power Rankings, once again with the points included to highlight exactly how close teams are to their neighbours. This week brought to you by the Florida Home for Injured Tampa Bay Running Backs.

1. Green Bay Packers - 126.137pts. (Record: 7-0) (Previous week: 1)
2. New England Patriots - 123.913pts. (5-1) (2)
3. San Francisco 49ers - 118.931pts. (5-1) (5)
4. Detroit Lions - 118.507pts. (5-2) (4)
5. Houston Texans - 117.515pts. (4-3) (10)
6. New Orleans Saints - 116.158pts. (5-2) (6)
7. Baltimore Ravens - 113.879pts. (4-2) (3)
8. Dallas Cowboys - 111.605pts. (3-3) (11)
9. Buffalo Bills - 111.153pts. (4-2) (8)
10. Chicago Bears - 107.951pts. (4-3) (17)
11. Pittsburgh Steelers - 107.165pts. (5-2) (12)
12. Cincinnati Bengals - 106.722pts. (4-2) (14)
13. New York Jets - 106.678pts. (4-3) (18)
14. Atlanta Flacons - 106.370pts. (4-3) (19)
15. San Diego Chargers - 105.666pts. (4-2) (9)
16. New York Giants - 105.194pts. (4-2) (16)
17. Oakland Raiders - 103.579pts. (4-3) (7)
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 100.747pts. (4-3) (15)
19. Cleveland Browns - 98.810pts. (3-3) (22)
20. Tennessee Titans - 98.567pts. (3-3) (13)
21. Carolina Panthers - 94.054pts. (2-5) (24)
22. Philadelphia Eagles - 93.604pts. (2-4) (21)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - 92.799pts. (3-3) (27)
24. Washington Redskins - 91.761pts. (3-3) (20)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars - 88.923pts. (2-5) (28)
26. Denver Broncos - 87.585pts. (2-4) (25)
27. Minnesota Vikings - 84.139pts. (1-6) (26)
28. Seattle Seahawks - 83.360pts. (2-4) (23)
29. St. Louis Rams - 74.386pts. (0-7) (29)
30. Arizona Cardinals - 74.116pts. (1-5) (31)
31. Miami Dolphins - 73.169pts. (0-6) (30)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 65.522pts. (0-7) (32)


That's your lot for this week. There will be another riveting edition next Tuesday, so keep your eyes peeled!

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 6

So, week 6 of the NFL season is in the books, and we are down to one unbeaten time, last year's Super Bowl Champions, the Green Bay Packers. There were plenty of close games this past week, and there were a lot of teams moving around the rankings, following unexpected wins and unexpected defeats.

This week, as well as giving you the team's rank, record and previous week's ranking I am going to include the points that the formula has awarded, simply to allow you to see where there are bunches of teams that have very little between them, and where there might be a big gap between two places in the rankings.

As ever, the rankings are completely scientific and free of personal bias. Unfortunately.

1. Green Bay Packers - 129.626 pts. (Record: 6-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. New England Patriots - 125.255 pts. (5-1) (3)
3. Baltimore Ravens - 124.684 pts. (4-1) (4)
4. Detroit Lions - 123.929 pts. (5-1) (2)
5. San Francisco 49ers - 119.118 pts. (5-1) (7)
6. New Orleans Saints - 112.477 pts. (4-2) (5)
7. Oakland Raiders - 111.785 pts. (4-2) (12)
8. Buffalo Bills - 111.164 pts. (4-2) (6)
9. San Diego Chargers - 110.720 pts (4-1) (10)
10. Houston Texans - 110.679 pts (3-3) (8)
11. Dallas Cowboys - 109.810 pts (2-3) (9)
12. Pittsburgh Steelers - 108.162 pts. (4-2) (13)
13. Tennessee Titans - 106.929 pts. (3-2) (14)
14. Cincinnati Bengals - 106.562 pts. (4-2) (15)
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 106.200 pts. (4-2) (20)
16. New York Giants - 105.602 pts. (4-2) (19)
17. Chicago Bears - 103.540 pts. (3-3) (16)
18. New York Jets - 103.517 pts. (3-3) (17)
19. Atlanta Falcons - 102.308 pts. (3-3) (18)
20. Washington Redskins - 99.886 pts. (3-2) (11)
21. Philadelphia Eagles - 94.251 pts. (2-4) (24)
22. Cleveland Browns - 93.848 pts. (2-3) (21)
23. Seattle Seahawks - 89.099 pts. (2-3) (23)
24. Carolina Panthers - 87.487 pts. (1-5) (22)
25. Denver Broncos - 84.557 pts. (1-4) (26)
26. Minnesota Vikings - 83.727 pts. (1-5) (25)
27. Kansas City Chiefs - 83.005 pts. (2-3) (27)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars - 80.488 pts. (1-5) (28)
29. St. Louis Rams - 77.080 pts. (0-6) (31)
30. Miami Dolphins - 75.629 pts. (0-5) (29)
31. Arizona Cardinals - 75.346 pts. (1-4) (30)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 69.273 pts. (0-6) (32)


That's all for now folks, if you liked the inclusion of the points awarded by the formula let me know, and I'll keep them in future weeks.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 5

So, another week is in the books, the numbers have been fed into the formula, and the giant spreadsheet has spat out the Totally Scientific Power Rankings following week 5 of the NFL season. Pity the formula didn't punish teams drawn offside by a hard count on 4th and 1 with less than 2 minutes to go, because the Eagles would be dead last if it did.

A few teams moved up, a few moved down, and the gap at the top between the Packers and the Lions has become paper-thin.

With all that having been taken into consideration, ladies and gentlemen I proudly present to you the Week 5 Totally Scientific Power Rankings (brought to you by the Ralph Wilson Stadium Cardiac Unit):

1. Green Bay Packers (Record: 5-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions (5-0) (2)
3. New England Patriots (4-1) (3)
4. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) (4)
5. New Orleans Saints (4-1) (5)
6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) (7)
7. San Francisco 49ers (4-1) (16)
8. Houston Texans (3-2) (6)
9. Dallas Cowboys (2-2) (9)
10. San Diego Chargers (4-1) (11)
11. Washington Redskins (3-1) (10)
12. Oakland Raiders (3-2) (18)
13. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2) (17)
14. Tennessee Titans (3-2) (8)
15. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2) (20)
16. Chicago Bears (2-3) (13)
17. New York Jets (2-3) (12)
18. Atlanta Falcons (2-3) (19)
19. New York Giants (3-2) (15)
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2) (14)
21. Cleveland Browns (2-2) (21)
22. Carolina Panthers (1-4) (22)
23. Seattle Seahawks (2-3) (27)
24. Philadelphia Eagles (1-4) (23)
25. Minnesota Vikings (1-4) (30)
26. Denver Broncos (1-4) (24)
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) (28)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4) (25)
29. Miami Dolphins (0-4) (29)
30. Arizona Cardinals (1-4) (26)
31. St Louis Rams (0-4) (32)
32. Indianapolis Colts (0-5) (31)

So, that't it for this week folks, and it seems to me like this year could well be the year that secures the Colts' future for many years to come. It's scary to think how good they could be if they suck this year, draft Andrew Luck and let him learn from Peyton Manning for a couple of years.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 4

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Totally Scientific Power Rankings for week 4, where we're wondering exactly when an official is going to call a hold on some of the ridiculous tackles that offensive linemen are carrying out every week in the league. We're also confused about how a blatant catch that it obviously a catch on the replay can be ruled incomplete, and then the challenge turned down.

Maybe the stripeys have been affected by the lockout too...

Anyway, without any further bitter recriminations towards officials, hack journalists or Leodis McKelvin (just cover someone, anyone, please...) here are the latest Totally Scientific Power Rankings:

1. Green Bay Packers (Record: 4-0) (Previous week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions (4-0) (5)
3. New England Patriots (3-1) (4)
4. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) (6)
5. New Orleans Saints (3-1) (3)
6. Houston Texans (3-1) (9)
7. Buffalo Bills (3-1) (2)
8. Tennessee Titans (3-1) (10)
9. Dallas Cowboys (2-2) (7)
10. Washington Redskins (3-1) (12)
11. San Diego Chargers (3-1) (15)
12. New York Jets (2-2) (8)
13. Chicago Bears (2-2) (14)
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) (17)
15. New York Giants (3-1) (16)
16. San Francisco 49ers (3-1) (18)
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) (11)
18. Oakland Raiders (2-2) (13)
19. Atlanta Falcons (2-2) (19)
20. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) (24)
21. Cleveland Browns (2-2) (20)
22. Carolina Panthers (1-3) (21)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) (22)
24. Denver Broncos (1-3) (23)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) (25)
26. Arizona Cardinals (1-3) (27)
27. Seattle Seahawks (1-3) (26)
28. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) (32)
29. Miami Dolphins (0-4) (28)
30. Minnesota Vikings (0-4) (29)
31. Indianapolis Colts (0-4) (30)
32. St Louis Rams (0-4) (31)

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 3

So far it would seem that being ranked in first place in the Totally Scientific Power Rankings is a curse. After week 1 we had the Ravens at the top of the tree, and they promptly went and got taken apart by the Titans. Then we had the Patriots at the top of the pile, and Lindell's right foot saw to them in the final seconds at the Ralph on Sunday.

If I was a betting man I'd put a large amount of money on the Broncos pulling off a massive upset next week, or maybe not.

Anyway, without any further prevarication, to-do or general beating around the bush, here are this week's Totally Scientific Power Rankings:

1. Green Bay Packers (Record: 3-0) (Previous Week: 3)
2. Buffalo Bills (3-0) (7)
3. New Orleans Saints (2-1) (5)
4. New England Patriots (2-1) (1)
5. Detroit Lions (3-0) (6)
6. Baltimore Ravens (2-1) (11)
7.  Dallas Cowboys (2-1) (15)
8. New York Jets (2-1) (2)
9. Houston Texans (2-1) (4)
10. Tennessee Titans (2-1) (16)
11. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1) (12)
12. Washington Redskins (2-1) (9)
13. Oakland Raiders (2-1) (21)
14. Chicago Bears (1-2) (10)
15. San Diego Chargers (2-1) (14)
16. New York Giants (2-1) (19)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) (17)
18. San Francisco 49ers (2-1) (20)
19. Atlanta Falcons (1-2) (8)
20. Cleveland Browns (2-1) (25)
21. Carolina Panthers (1-2) (30)
22. Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) (13)
23. Denver Broncos (1-2) (24)
24. Cincinnati Bengals (1-2) (27)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) (18)
26. Seattle Seahawks (1-2) (31)
27. Arizona Cardinals (1-2) (23)
28. Miami Dolphins (0-3) (22)
29. Minnesota Vikings (0-3) (28)
30. Indianapolis Colts (0-3) (29)
31. St Louis Rams (0-3) (26)
32. Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) (32)

So, as I said above, the number 1 slot has been a curse so far this season, though the Packers have certainly got a more straightforward game in week 3 than either the Ravens or Patriots had. I honestly thought that this would be the season that the Rams wouldn't be hovering around the bottom end of the Power Rankings for most of the season too, but it appears that a good young quarterback might actually need some good receivers, an offensive line and a running game to progress. Whodathunkit?

That's all for now kids, remember, there are no reasons, just the facts.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 2

After two weeks I think we can all safely say that the Super Bowl favourites are the Bills and the Lions. Well, maybe not, but the look on Jerry Jones' face if that actually happened would be amazing. The Ravens hold on top spot didn't last long, after being completely outplayed by a Titans team that is still misfiring in certain areas. In fact the rankings are starting to take an all too familiar shape, with the AFC East heavyweights heading towards the top.

So, it's now time for the rankings, provided in association with Billievers everywhere...

1. New England Patriots (Record 2-0) (Previous Week 3)
2. New York Jets (2-0) (6)
3. Green Bay Packers (2-0) (2)
4. Houston Texans (2-0) (7)
5. New Orleans Saints (1-1) (11)
6. Detroit Lions (2-0) (8)
7. Buffalo Bills (2-0) (14)
8. Atlanta Falcons (1-1) (13)
9. Washington Redskins (2-0) (12)
10. Chicago Bears (1-1) (4)
11. Baltimore Ravens (1-1) (1)
12. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) (10)
13. Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) (5)
14. San Diego Chargers (1-1) (9)
15. Dallas Cowboys (1-1) (18)
16. Tennessee Titans (1-1) (29)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) (20)
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) (16)
19. New York Giants (1-1) (24)
20. San Francisco 49ers (1-1) (17)
21. Oakland Raiders (1-1) (15)
22. Miami Dolphins (0-2) (21)
23. Arizona Cardinals (1-1) (23)
24. Denver Broncos (1-1) (30)
25. Cleveland Browns (1-1) (31)
26. St. Louis Rams (0-2) (22)
27. Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) (25)
28. Minnesota Vikings (0-2) (26)
29. Indianapolis Colts (0-2) (19)
30. Carolina Panthers (0-2) (32)
31. Seattle Seahawks (0-2) (28)
32. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) (16) 

So there we have it kids. The AFC East is a beast and the Kansas City Chiefs are the worst team in football. This comes as a shock to no-one. And, as usual, there are no reasons, just the facts.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 1

Well, the first week is in the books, and the first set of totally scientific calculations have been done. Big wins for Baltimore, Buffalo and Detroit see them move up considerably compared to the pre-season rankings, while Kansas City and the New York Giants were the biggest fallers.

Now, without further ado, it's time to present the week one rankings:

1. Baltimore Ravens (Record 1-0) (Previous week 4)
2. Green Bay Packers (1-0) (1)
3. New England Patriots (1-0) (3)
4. Chicago Bears (1-0) (9)
5. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) (5)
6. New York Jets (1-0) (6)
7. Houston Texans (1-0) (15)
8. Detroit Lions (1-0) (14)
9. San Diego Chargers (1-0) (12)
10. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) (2)
11. New Orleans Saints (0-1) (8)
12. Washington Redskins (1-0) (25)
13. Atlanta Falcons (0-1) (7)
14. Buffalo Bills (1-0) (30)
15. Oakland Raiders (1-0) (21)
16. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0) (24)
17. San Francisco 49ers (1-0) (27)
18. Dallas Cowboys (0-1) (17)
19. Indianapolis Colts (0-1) (10)
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) (13)
21. Miami Dolphins (0-1) (18)
22. St. Louis Rams (0-1) (19)
23. Arizona Cardinals (1-0) (26)
24. New York Giants (0-1) (11)
25. Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) (31)
26. Minnesota Vikings (0-1) (22)
27. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) (16)
28. Seattle Seahawks (0-1) (20)
29. Tennessee Titans (0-1) (23)
30. Denver Broncos (0-1) (29)
31. Cleveland Browns (0-1) (28)
32. Carolina Panthers (0-1) (32)

That's all today kids. There are no reasons, just the facts.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Pre-Season Edition

Well, here we are ladies and gentlemen, the first week of the NFL Season is almost upon us, and it is time to bring forth the Totally Scientific Pre-Season Power Rankings.

Of course it isn't possible to be totally scientific for the pre-season rankings, so these are based on 55% of the final 2010 rankings, 30% taken as an average across power rankings from three different sources and 15% based on pre-season performance.

Without further hinderance or to-do, here are the Totally Scientific Pre-Season Power Rankings!

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. New England Patriots
4. Baltimore Ravens
5. Philadelphia Eagles
6. New York Jets
7. Atlanta Falcons
8. New Orleans Saints
9. Chicago Bears
10. Indianapolis Colts
11. New York Giants
12. San Diego Chargers
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
14. Detroit Lions
15. Houston Texans
16. Kansas City Chiefs
17. Dallas Cowboys
18. Miami Dolphins
19. St. Louis Rams
20. Seattle Seahawks
21. Oakland Raiders
22. Minnesota Vikings
23. Tennessee Titans
24. Jacksonville Jaguars
25. Washington Redskins
26. Arizona Cardinals
27. San Francisco 49ers
28. Cleveland Browns
29. Denver Broncos
30. Buffalo Bills
31. Cincinnati Bengals
32. Carolina Panthers