We're Baaaaa-aaaaacckkkk!

Hi kids!

Sorry for the abrupt end to the Totally Scientific Power Rankings last season, but life kinda got in the way. However it looks like I'll have time to do this crazy thing again this year, so without further ado, it's time for the Pre-Season edition of the Totally Scientific Power Rankings.

Remember, there are no reasons, just the facts:

1. Green Bay Packers
2. New England Patriots
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. Baltimore Ravens
5. New Orleans Saints
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
7. Houston Texans
8. New York Giants
9. Atlanta Falcons
10. Detroit Lions
11. Philadelphia Eagles
12. Chicago Bears
13. Denver Broncos
14. Dallas Cowboys
15. Cincinnati Bengals
16. San Diego Chargers
17. Tennessee Titans
18. Carolina Panthers
19. Seattle Seahawks
20. Buffalo Bills
21. New York Jets
22. Kansas City Chiefs
23. Arizona Cardinals
24. Oakland Raiders
25. Washington Redskins
26. Jacksonville Jaguars
27. Miami Dolphins
28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
29. Indianapolis Colts
30. Minnesota Vikings
31. Cleveland Browns
32. St Louis Rams

So, as we get ready for the big kick-off in a few hours, feel free to peruse these, and debate amongst yourselves.

The NFL is back. About time too...

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 8

Better late than never, folks! I have a new job, and while I was able to get the numbers crunched this morning before work, I wasn't able to get the post done. So without further ado, or any preamble whatsoever, here are this week's Totally Scientific Power Rankings, where the Bills are legit and the Colts really, really suck.


1. Green Bay Packers - 125.994 (Record: 7-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions - 122.072 (6-2) (4)
3. San Francisco 49ers - 121.951 (6-1) (3)
4. Houston Texans - 118.888 (5-3) (5)
5. New England Patriots - 117.916 (5-2) (2)
6. Buffalo Bills - 114.965 (5-2) (9)
7. Baltimore Ravens - 114.425 (5-2) (7)
8. Pittsburgh Steelers - 112.009 (6-2) (11)
9. New Orleans Saints - 108.402 (5-3) (6)
10. Chicago Bears - 107.897 (4-3) (10)
11. New York Giants - 107.674 (5-2) (16)
12. Cincinnati Bengals - 107.026 (5-2) (12)
13. Atlanta Falcons - 106.312 (4-3) (14)
14. New York Jets - 106.279 (4-3) (13)
15. Oakland Raiders - 103.502 (4-3) (17)
16. Dallas Cowboys - 103.031 (3-4) (8)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 100.819 (4-3) (18)
18. Philadelphia Eagles - 100.808 (3-4) (22)
19. San Diego Chargers - 100.801 (4-3) (15)
20. Tennessee Titans - 100.295 (4-3) (20)
21. Kansas City Chiefs - 96.294 (4-3) (23)
22. Cleveland Browns - 96.113 (3-4) (19)
23. Carolina Panthers - 89.096 (2-6) (21)
24. Washington Redskins - 88.064 (3-4) (24)
25. Minnesota Vikings - 87.637 (2-6) (27)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars - 86.990 (2-6) (25)
27. Denver Broncos - 84.100 (2-5) (26)
28. St Louis Rams - 83.116 (1-7) (29)
29. Seattle Seahawks - 82.673 (2-5) (28)
30. Arizona Cardinals - 73.270 (1-6) (30)
31. Miami Dolphins - 70.306 (0-7) (31)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 64.822 (0-8) (32)

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 7

Well, another glorious week of football is in the books, and what have we learned?

Firstly, the Vikings might not be as poor as advertised, especially if Christian Ponder is under center. Secondly, forget sucking for Luck, the Colts just suck, plain and simple. They have no offense, no defense and I don't think Manning 5 years ago would stop this team from having a losing record, never mind Manning if he returns from his injury. The Lions may well be the first 0-16 team in history, but the Colts are making a pretty good case for being the worst team to ever set foot on an NFL field. I'm amazed Bill Polian has allowed this to happen.

With all that out of the way, it's time for the Totally Scientific Power Rankings, once again with the points included to highlight exactly how close teams are to their neighbours. This week brought to you by the Florida Home for Injured Tampa Bay Running Backs.

1. Green Bay Packers - 126.137pts. (Record: 7-0) (Previous week: 1)
2. New England Patriots - 123.913pts. (5-1) (2)
3. San Francisco 49ers - 118.931pts. (5-1) (5)
4. Detroit Lions - 118.507pts. (5-2) (4)
5. Houston Texans - 117.515pts. (4-3) (10)
6. New Orleans Saints - 116.158pts. (5-2) (6)
7. Baltimore Ravens - 113.879pts. (4-2) (3)
8. Dallas Cowboys - 111.605pts. (3-3) (11)
9. Buffalo Bills - 111.153pts. (4-2) (8)
10. Chicago Bears - 107.951pts. (4-3) (17)
11. Pittsburgh Steelers - 107.165pts. (5-2) (12)
12. Cincinnati Bengals - 106.722pts. (4-2) (14)
13. New York Jets - 106.678pts. (4-3) (18)
14. Atlanta Flacons - 106.370pts. (4-3) (19)
15. San Diego Chargers - 105.666pts. (4-2) (9)
16. New York Giants - 105.194pts. (4-2) (16)
17. Oakland Raiders - 103.579pts. (4-3) (7)
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 100.747pts. (4-3) (15)
19. Cleveland Browns - 98.810pts. (3-3) (22)
20. Tennessee Titans - 98.567pts. (3-3) (13)
21. Carolina Panthers - 94.054pts. (2-5) (24)
22. Philadelphia Eagles - 93.604pts. (2-4) (21)
23. Kansas City Chiefs - 92.799pts. (3-3) (27)
24. Washington Redskins - 91.761pts. (3-3) (20)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars - 88.923pts. (2-5) (28)
26. Denver Broncos - 87.585pts. (2-4) (25)
27. Minnesota Vikings - 84.139pts. (1-6) (26)
28. Seattle Seahawks - 83.360pts. (2-4) (23)
29. St. Louis Rams - 74.386pts. (0-7) (29)
30. Arizona Cardinals - 74.116pts. (1-5) (31)
31. Miami Dolphins - 73.169pts. (0-6) (30)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 65.522pts. (0-7) (32)


That's your lot for this week. There will be another riveting edition next Tuesday, so keep your eyes peeled!

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 6

So, week 6 of the NFL season is in the books, and we are down to one unbeaten time, last year's Super Bowl Champions, the Green Bay Packers. There were plenty of close games this past week, and there were a lot of teams moving around the rankings, following unexpected wins and unexpected defeats.

This week, as well as giving you the team's rank, record and previous week's ranking I am going to include the points that the formula has awarded, simply to allow you to see where there are bunches of teams that have very little between them, and where there might be a big gap between two places in the rankings.

As ever, the rankings are completely scientific and free of personal bias. Unfortunately.

1. Green Bay Packers - 129.626 pts. (Record: 6-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. New England Patriots - 125.255 pts. (5-1) (3)
3. Baltimore Ravens - 124.684 pts. (4-1) (4)
4. Detroit Lions - 123.929 pts. (5-1) (2)
5. San Francisco 49ers - 119.118 pts. (5-1) (7)
6. New Orleans Saints - 112.477 pts. (4-2) (5)
7. Oakland Raiders - 111.785 pts. (4-2) (12)
8. Buffalo Bills - 111.164 pts. (4-2) (6)
9. San Diego Chargers - 110.720 pts (4-1) (10)
10. Houston Texans - 110.679 pts (3-3) (8)
11. Dallas Cowboys - 109.810 pts (2-3) (9)
12. Pittsburgh Steelers - 108.162 pts. (4-2) (13)
13. Tennessee Titans - 106.929 pts. (3-2) (14)
14. Cincinnati Bengals - 106.562 pts. (4-2) (15)
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 106.200 pts. (4-2) (20)
16. New York Giants - 105.602 pts. (4-2) (19)
17. Chicago Bears - 103.540 pts. (3-3) (16)
18. New York Jets - 103.517 pts. (3-3) (17)
19. Atlanta Falcons - 102.308 pts. (3-3) (18)
20. Washington Redskins - 99.886 pts. (3-2) (11)
21. Philadelphia Eagles - 94.251 pts. (2-4) (24)
22. Cleveland Browns - 93.848 pts. (2-3) (21)
23. Seattle Seahawks - 89.099 pts. (2-3) (23)
24. Carolina Panthers - 87.487 pts. (1-5) (22)
25. Denver Broncos - 84.557 pts. (1-4) (26)
26. Minnesota Vikings - 83.727 pts. (1-5) (25)
27. Kansas City Chiefs - 83.005 pts. (2-3) (27)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars - 80.488 pts. (1-5) (28)
29. St. Louis Rams - 77.080 pts. (0-6) (31)
30. Miami Dolphins - 75.629 pts. (0-5) (29)
31. Arizona Cardinals - 75.346 pts. (1-4) (30)
32. Indianapolis Colts - 69.273 pts. (0-6) (32)


That's all for now folks, if you liked the inclusion of the points awarded by the formula let me know, and I'll keep them in future weeks.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 5

So, another week is in the books, the numbers have been fed into the formula, and the giant spreadsheet has spat out the Totally Scientific Power Rankings following week 5 of the NFL season. Pity the formula didn't punish teams drawn offside by a hard count on 4th and 1 with less than 2 minutes to go, because the Eagles would be dead last if it did.

A few teams moved up, a few moved down, and the gap at the top between the Packers and the Lions has become paper-thin.

With all that having been taken into consideration, ladies and gentlemen I proudly present to you the Week 5 Totally Scientific Power Rankings (brought to you by the Ralph Wilson Stadium Cardiac Unit):

1. Green Bay Packers (Record: 5-0) (Previous Week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions (5-0) (2)
3. New England Patriots (4-1) (3)
4. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) (4)
5. New Orleans Saints (4-1) (5)
6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) (7)
7. San Francisco 49ers (4-1) (16)
8. Houston Texans (3-2) (6)
9. Dallas Cowboys (2-2) (9)
10. San Diego Chargers (4-1) (11)
11. Washington Redskins (3-1) (10)
12. Oakland Raiders (3-2) (18)
13. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2) (17)
14. Tennessee Titans (3-2) (8)
15. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2) (20)
16. Chicago Bears (2-3) (13)
17. New York Jets (2-3) (12)
18. Atlanta Falcons (2-3) (19)
19. New York Giants (3-2) (15)
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2) (14)
21. Cleveland Browns (2-2) (21)
22. Carolina Panthers (1-4) (22)
23. Seattle Seahawks (2-3) (27)
24. Philadelphia Eagles (1-4) (23)
25. Minnesota Vikings (1-4) (30)
26. Denver Broncos (1-4) (24)
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) (28)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4) (25)
29. Miami Dolphins (0-4) (29)
30. Arizona Cardinals (1-4) (26)
31. St Louis Rams (0-4) (32)
32. Indianapolis Colts (0-5) (31)

So, that't it for this week folks, and it seems to me like this year could well be the year that secures the Colts' future for many years to come. It's scary to think how good they could be if they suck this year, draft Andrew Luck and let him learn from Peyton Manning for a couple of years.

Totally Scientific Power Rankings: Week 4

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Totally Scientific Power Rankings for week 4, where we're wondering exactly when an official is going to call a hold on some of the ridiculous tackles that offensive linemen are carrying out every week in the league. We're also confused about how a blatant catch that it obviously a catch on the replay can be ruled incomplete, and then the challenge turned down.

Maybe the stripeys have been affected by the lockout too...

Anyway, without any further bitter recriminations towards officials, hack journalists or Leodis McKelvin (just cover someone, anyone, please...) here are the latest Totally Scientific Power Rankings:

1. Green Bay Packers (Record: 4-0) (Previous week: 1)
2. Detroit Lions (4-0) (5)
3. New England Patriots (3-1) (4)
4. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) (6)
5. New Orleans Saints (3-1) (3)
6. Houston Texans (3-1) (9)
7. Buffalo Bills (3-1) (2)
8. Tennessee Titans (3-1) (10)
9. Dallas Cowboys (2-2) (7)
10. Washington Redskins (3-1) (12)
11. San Diego Chargers (3-1) (15)
12. New York Jets (2-2) (8)
13. Chicago Bears (2-2) (14)
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) (17)
15. New York Giants (3-1) (16)
16. San Francisco 49ers (3-1) (18)
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) (11)
18. Oakland Raiders (2-2) (13)
19. Atlanta Falcons (2-2) (19)
20. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2) (24)
21. Cleveland Browns (2-2) (20)
22. Carolina Panthers (1-3) (21)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) (22)
24. Denver Broncos (1-3) (23)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) (25)
26. Arizona Cardinals (1-3) (27)
27. Seattle Seahawks (1-3) (26)
28. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) (32)
29. Miami Dolphins (0-4) (28)
30. Minnesota Vikings (0-4) (29)
31. Indianapolis Colts (0-4) (30)
32. St Louis Rams (0-4) (31)

Jennifer Gish and hack journalism. A rant.

I was going to keep this blog just for the power rankings, and for the most part I will do, however occasionally there will be something I need to get off my chest.

Here's the first not very scientific football-related rant:

First of all, let me start by saying some of the vitriol directed at Jennifer Gish was out of order. The instant you resort to name calling and sexist insults you will automatically lose any argument you make, especially if you do it to a journalist who will then act like a martyr for all female sports journalists everywhere and use every contact she has in order to turn what was a local squabble in a backwater newspaper into a national issue.

However, Jennifer Gish is not the innocent, injured party that she claims to be. Her piece the week before was one of the nastiest pieces of character assassination that has been carried out anywhere in a long time, but rather than attack an individual she decided to attack the people of Buffalo and Bills fans throughout New York State and beyond. She mocked an 82-year old Bills fan who had written to the Albany Times Union to complain about the fact that the New Jersey Jets lucking into a win received more prominent coverage than the Bills destroying the previous year's AFC West Champions on the road. She had called Bills fans "deluded" for thinking their team might be good after it was 2-0, and had just beaten the Raiders (remind me, who took the Jets behind the woodshed and schooled them the following week?). She was patronising in the extreme towards Bills fans, especially the "Awwww" part after the second paragraph. I mean, who in their right mind thinks that that is an acceptable way to treat any part of your newspaper's customer base?

The worst part though, was that she basically disowned Buffalo as a part of New York State, describing the city as being "practically in Canada" and raising the issue once again of the Toronto Series. We understand that Buffalo is a bit further north and west than some sections of the New York media like to go, but it is still in New York State, and IS still the only professional football team to play their home games in  NYS. If the East Rutherford Giants or Jersey Jets ever move back across the river let me know.

Her last sentence was designed to rile every Bills fan who remembers wide right, and who still love the team no matter what.

At the end of the day though, we gave her what she wanted. The only reason that piece was written was to gain exposure for a talentless hack who couldn't get her name mentioned on the national scene on her own merits, so instead she runs off crying to the national media about the big bad Bills fans dishing out sexist abuse. The thing is though we only needed to wait until last Sunday for he words to be proven wrong. The Bills proved that they are a good football team by spotting the team that everyone was previous claiming were the best in the league 21 points and still coming back to win. Her comment about how Fitzpatrick and Brady "won't be taking the GREs on Sunday. They'll be playing football." should have been shoved right back down her throat on Monday morning, with a large slice of crow to help it slip down there, instead we fed her meat and potatoes for a female sports journalist. The excuse to cry about sexism in a male dominated environment.

I'd hate to see what she'd do if I sent her some of the e-mails I've sent Sully over the years.

To paraphrase Kevin Keegan:

I had no idea who Jennifer Gish was before last week, but if I had known, and I had had any respect for her, I would have lost it after what she said. To say a thing like that about a town like Buffalo, about a team like the Bills, well I'm sorry, but she'd have dropped a mile in my estimation after she said that. And the Bills aren't done. They're in this until the end of the season, and when we play the Jets, let me tell you, I would love it, love it if we beat them.

GO BILLS!